Arts & Entertainment

A WOMAN in her late thirties still believes DJs are cool, it has emerged.

A PROUD London resident who passionately argues his home city is better than Paris or New York spends all weekend watching television and eating toast.

From Jimmy Page supporting the Tories to Queen playing South Africa to Eric Clapton ranting about immigrants, rebellious rockers have always been rabid reactionaries. But who is the most wearily attention-seeking contrarian of today?

THE decision not to give Ed Sheeran a music award could be the dawning of a new age of human sanity, scientists have confirmed.

MILTON Keynes has been advised its European Capital of Culture bid would be unsuccessful even if Britain stayed in the EU and paid £350m a day.

FORMER Smiths frontman Morrissey has released a charity single raising funds for utter bastards.

A FATHER-OF-TWO has performed the entire solo from Guns N’ Roses’ November Rain while driving his children to school, they have confirmed.

THE makers of Imodium have released a heartwarming Christmas advert featuring a monster with chronic diarrhoea.

A PROMOTIONAL festive lorry full of Special Brew and Brew-related gifts is touring the UK.

AN OBSESSIVE Call of Duty player claims the real war is fending off the women who want to snatch him from his gaming chair.