BOOKMAKERS have given Olly Alexander a one per cent chance of winning the Eurovision Song Contest. Is it time the UK left it?
Wayne Hayes, farmer: “Absolutely. We should be hosting our own song competitions where we regularly lose. And if that ever happens I’ll still be mad about getting what I wanted.”
Eleanor Shaw, media executive: “I’ve heard our song. A one per cent chance is generous. I reckon we’re only invited to take part as a joke, but it’s nice to feel included.”
Martin Bishop, pest control operative: “Kidding ourselves that we might do moderately well, before watching us score nul points over the course of several hours, is a fine British tradition like cheese rolling. It would be tragic and foolish to let either die.”
Kelly Howard, nail technician: “We blow roughly £16 million a year on Eurovision, and for what? It’s not like we’re paying musicians at the top of their game to represent us. That money should go towards something more useful, like bringing back Woolworths.”
Jim Bates, fishmonger: “I’m waiting to see what Boris Johnson tells me to think in a Telegraph column.”
