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Six concept albums that explain why people take the piss out of concept albums

HAVING a bunch of good songs should be enough of a concept for an album. But some bands decided it wasn’t and pulled this bullshit instead:

The Beatles – Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band

Nothing shows fractures in the group dynamic like wearing silly, coordinated costumes to try and make your relationship fun again. It’s the rock star equivalent of making your 20th wedding anniversary party mandatory fancy dress.

Beyoncé – I am… Sasha Fierce

Beyoncé is already a superhuman being, so why she felt the need to create an empowering alter ego for this album is unclear. To make matters worse it was a double album which inevitably leads to filler, even if it’s Beyoncé-level filler. Just make one record full of solid bangers instead.

David Bowie – The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders From Mars

Bowie’s alter ego worked a bit better than Beyoncé’s but was still unnecessary, given that he was so extraordinary he might as well have been an alien anyway. At least Bowie had the decency to definitively retire Ziggy in 1973, and he never returned even when it must have been tempting during the 90s low points.

The Who – Tommy

There’s not a lot of mileage in songs about pinball, so why didn’t The Who just stick with one? Was it really necessary to precede it with several songs’ worth of backstory about drug use, familial abuse, and Tommy’s father’s mysterious military career? Apparently so.

Arctic Monkeys – Tranquility Base Hotel & Casino

Most people, when asked about their favourite Arctic Monkeys song, would choose a killer riff or Sheffield-twanged lyric. Not the one that tied in best to the overarching moonbase critique of capitalism theme. Stick to things people can relate to, like Mecca daubers and tracky bottoms.

Green Day – American Idiot

Fancy a punk rock opera covering 9/11, the Iraq war and George W. Bush? Green Day have got your back with this incredibly earnest album that couldn’t be more 2000s if it put on a pair of low rise jeans and some red-lensed sunglasses. We all know how the geo-political disasters of the period played out, so don’t bother your ears with this again.

Brand new father takes up brand new hobby

A MAN whose wife recently gave birth to their first baby has decided this is the moment to take up a new and time-consuming hobby.

Martin Bishop, aged 32, claims he always wanted to do more sport but never had a real incentive to get off his arse until there was a screaming baby in the house that needed its nappy changing twice an hour.

Bishop said: “I always fancied canoeing but was never able to make myself spend weekends on a freezing lake. However, being up to my elbows in shit for the last month made the activity seem really appealing.

“And I’ve really lucked out in terms of my choice, as getting the boat in and out of the water takes ages, as does getting it on and off the car. Plus I have to drive nearly a hundred miles away from home to reach an open body of water.

“I’ve told my partner I’m preparing for when the baby is old enough to join me in a healthy, outdoors pastime, but that won’t be for at least eight years, thank f**k.”

Bishop’s wife Lucy said: “Two can play at this game. I haven’t broken it to him yet, but I’m joining the local am-dram group. He’s going to cry like a newborn when he sees my rehearsal schedule.”

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