GIANT plasma screens have been declared unsuitable for watching pornography after an increase in the number of people traumatised by gigantic cocks.
Government porn advisers say 'giganto-porn' carries serious health risks and have urged enthusiasts to limit themselves to 27 inches and simulated stereo.
Avid porn collector Johnny Gates was forced to give away his entire collection after he bought a new 108-inch plasma screen television but found himself revolted at the sight of an eight-foot penis in his living room.
Mr Gates, 42, spent £2,999 on the latest Sony TV after the assistant in Currys assured him it would provide unrivalled sharpness for both anal and double penetration.
However, he became physically sick and unable to continue masturbating less than half-way through his favourite film after watching two-minutes of extreme close up thrusting.
Gates said the violent reaction was particularly unexpected as he had watched porn all his adult life and also works in a butcher's shop.
He said: “I put on Jenna Jameson in Dangerous Tides and lay back to enjoy the action. It started off great with some amazing long-shots of a fantastic seven girl orgy.
“After a while it occurred to me I was tossing myself off while staring at an enormous penis and I started to wilt. I’m glad I didn’t persevere until the money-shot. It probably would have killed me.”
Gates said he decided there and then to dispose of his self-lovingly assembled porn collection. “The very next day I went out and gifted it all to the local charity shop,” he said.
