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'Immersive experience' turns out to be play where you can't sit down

A COUPLE who attended a ridiculously expensive immersive experience discovered it is essentially a piece of theatre where you have to to walk around a lot.

Tom Booker and Eleanor Shaw were seduced by the marketing hype generated by the ‘once-in-a-lifetime’ interactive event, but soon realised it meant hours of traipsing about in the dark when they were knackered after work.

Tom Booker said: “We thought it would be fun to do something different, but it turned out to be a confusing play with no real beginning or end, and without easy access to a bar, which is ultimately the thing that makes leaving the house worth it.

“Wandering around a spooky warehouse was fun for a bit, but I’d rather the story played out before my eyes without me having to search for it, having already travelled miles to an ex-industrial site in the arse end of London.

“In hindsight, I’d rather go and see The Lion King. It costs a third of the price, I know all the songs, and can enjoy the luxury of remaining immobile for three blissful hours.”

10 slogan t-shirts you probably shouldn't wear to your local

EDGY slogan t-shirts are all the rage. Great if you’re an A-list celebrity, not so much if your social life consists of the local pub. Here are some to leave at home.

Starf**ker

Worn by Julia Fox after her brief relationship with Kanye West. The ‘f**k you’ attitude will be lost when an arsey gammon landlord tells you it’s ‘obscene’ and ‘upsetting customers’, and asks you to leave.

Black Lives Matter

Wouldn’t raise an eyebrow in a London pub. In the regions it’s an invitation for gobby locals to go: ‘I suppose you hate Winston Churchill?’ If you’re not black, also expect ‘But you’re not black!’ as if every human action should be dictated by ruthless self-interest.

Fag

Trendy ‘reclaim the language’ slogan by the label Boycrazy. Not viewed that way in a grim pub in Macclesfield where the local thugs still haven’t got over the overt gayness of Bronski Beat, and will just be pleased you’ve provided written evidence for why they should kick your head in.

Vaccinated

T-shirt that deservedly mocks anti-vax twats. But in your local it actually reads: ‘Dear Pub Loonies, Please come over and tell me a wildly exaggerated story about how your sister’s youngest child almost died after the vaccine; please also open my eyes to Bill Gates’ mind control conspiracy and why you don’t trust 5G. Thanks in advance, A Sheeple.’

Real winner

Pop star Charli XCX brushed off not winning a Brit Award with this t-shirt. However if your job is assistant manager at a dingy local Tesco Express it takes on a different meaning, and that is ‘delusional’.

No problemo

Irony-laden Gen Z t-shirt making the statement ‘There IS a problem’. In your local though everyone will just think you’ve picked up some cheap Matalan t-shirts with meaningless logos like ‘LA Cool Style’.

I am a registered sex offender

Fine in hipster hellholes, and at least you’ve put your money where your mouth is when it comes to humorously offensive t-shirts. Enjoy your edginess while it lasts, because in your local a pissed woman will corner you and start ranting: ‘Is it funny what Ian Huntley did to them kiddies?’ while you stand there feeling like an arsehole.

I’m an atheist, I don’t care about your imaginary friend

Mildly amusing atheist t-shirt. After some absolute moron has repeated ‘But you can’t prove God doesn’t exist’ for the 20th time in lieu of an argument you’ll wish you’d just worn your plain blue Fred Perry shirt.

We should all be feminists

Dior was taking the piss with the original £690 t-shirts, but the message stands. In your local pub it will open the floodgates to offensive prejudices you thought died out with the pterosaurs, from ‘Are you a lesbian, then?’ to ‘If my wife said she was one of these feminists I’d divorce her’, followed by sage nods of agreement from other ageing pissheads.

Aditof

You’re so deliciously ironic with this uber-naff retro 80s t-shirt with feet representing a couple having sex. However no one in your local pub will realise it’s irony and instead will believe it’s a hilarious original joke. One local will helpfully explain it’s funny because ‘it sounds like Adidas but it means had it off’.

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