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Get Back extended edition has alternate ending where the Beatles stay together

THE extended edition of Peter Jackson’s Beatles documentary includes an alternative ending where the Fab Four do not break up.

Making use of all available footage, the Get Back trilogy clocks up a runtime of over 57 hours covering the recording of Let It Be, the famous rooftop concert, a subsequent global tour and the recording and release of ten more incredible albums.

Director Peter Jackson, who made good films from 1987 to 1992, said: “You’ve got to use artistic license when adapting a story into a movie. And you’ve got to make it longer. Much, much longer.

“This new, extended edition shows the Beatles rekindling their love of playing together, setting off on tour again and remaining the most popular band in the world for another two decades via multiple, lengthy endings.

“Viewers will see George Harrison admit that he was being a bit uptight all along, Paul and John make up, Ringo really develop as a songwriter and won’t see Yoko at all because she’s been digitally removed.

“We’ve created all the later performances, and songs, using groundbreaking new technology just as the Beatles would have wanted. I know them so well through the footage I don’t need to ask.

“Just when you think it’s over there’ll be another scene. Then another. And another. It will go on for longer than you ever thought possible, long after the initial charm of these cheeky characters has evaporated. And longer still.”

Nine wildly contradictory claims about the Omicron variant

THE Omicron variant is the hot new strain of Covid sweeping the world, but what are the facts and what are their exact opposites? 

It’s much more dangerous than other variants

Omicron will not only make you cough, it takes over your motor functions, marches you to a cashpoint, forces you to withdraw your life savings and gives the cash to strangers.

It’s much safer than other variants

It actually protects you from catching Covid by giving you a mild version, like cowpox and smallpox. Hold an Omicron party, checking to make sure it’s definitely Omicron first.

It hasn’t reached the UK

Only a tiny number of people in Scotland have Omicron and they’re all wearing masks up there and there’s a travel ban so it won’t even get a foothold here. You’re safe.

It’s already everywhere

Omicron has evolved to transmit via Xbox Live so thousands of Battlefield-playing teenagers have already given it to their whole school. It is inescapable and deadly.

It’s a Transformer

You’re thinking of Unicron, voiced by Orson Welles in his last screen role. Omicron is nothing like that. It’s a Voltron, meaning it forms together with four other variants to make a giant Super-Covid.

It’s an anagram of ‘moronic’

Technically yes, but more importantly it’s an anagram of ‘Comic-Con’ if you squint a bit, meaning anyone who catches it becomes so terminally nerdy they know the difference between Unicron and Voltron.

Existing vaccines are 100 per cent effective

There’s absolutely no need for concern, because the vaccines we already have give you complete protection. My mate Andy’s mate Steve was erecting a fence for a GP and she told him. Straight up.

Existing vaccines offer no protection

Vaccines can’t stop it. It actually absorbs the vaccine and that makes it stronger. Once it’s absorbed all the different vaccines it will be invincible and lay waste to the earth.

There’s no need to panic so panic

They say there’s no need to panic on the news. That means they’re trying to cover it up, so panic. Unless that’s what they want you to think? Or is it a triple-bluff? And Mum wants to know about Christmas?

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