EVERY award not won, every headline about anything else and every moment spent watching a film that is not Barbie is a calculated snub to Barbie, it has emerged.
After last night’s BAFTAs sensationally snubbed Barbie by recognising films that are not Barbie, the film’s producer Joe Turner confirmed that it is just a fraction of the snubs unjustly suffered by Barbie at all times.
He said: “For example, I flew here on a plane. Had the fuselage been repainted with the Barbie logo and the whole plane reupholstered in pink? No. Because they don’t respect Barbie.
“Then I arrive in London, see billboards that are not advertising Barbie, have a conversation with a taxi driver that shamefully fails to even touch on Barbie, arrive at my hotel and guess what isn’t on the television? Barbie. It’s snub after snub after snub.
“Barbie was not only hugely successful, it had artistic integrity. It had diversity. It battled the patriarchy and won. It is everything good in this world, and you’re bored of it? How dare you?
“From now on, everything you watch is Barbie. Every song you hear is from the Barbie soundtrack. And God help you, if you dare jerk off thinking of anyone but Robbie you’ll be chemically castrated.”
Charlotte Phelps of Hounslow said: “You know who actually invented the nuclear bomb? Not Oppenheimer.”
