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News Briefly

Blue Peter already developing sense of entitlement

Row erupts over Bono not being held offshore

Normal people resign themselves to watching Game of Thrones

'Juéshì' is Chinese for 'sir'

Miliband wins right to put his own turds in a bucket

JK Rowling's next project revealed as trying to spend all the money

X Factor denies groping Britain in a toilet

Elderly drinkers use latest medical advice to wipe themselves

Census hackers threaten to reveal how many rooms your house has got

Lost penguin a symbol of the remarkable stupidity of animals