Features

HAVING sex is just an undignified way to knacker yourself out after you’ve been together a while. We’d rather watch telly and have a laugh.

YOU say you are playing Candy Crush Saga? I pity you. I pity your artless fumblings with basic sweets and your pathetic attempts to clear lines.

By Roy Hobbs, Daily Mail reader and 'proper feminist'

WHEN I told the school career’s advisor I’d like to be prime minister, they laughed and said I was more suited to being an undertaker. How I wish I had done that instead.

HAVING kids is exhausting and stressful but comes with the ultimate reward: making sweeping judgements about other parents.

Here’s how to release that pent up fury without resorting to the momentarily sweet release of jamming your hand in the shredder.

You’ve stopped eating meat. Is it because of the ethical implications, or because you’ve literally got nothing else to do? Take this simple test:

Anyway, here’s the spending diary of 26-year-old Tom Logan who lives in Preston and works as a mechanic and is representative of absolutely nobody.

THERE'S an alarming tendency at modern gigs for exuberant conversation among gig-goers to be drowned out by the music coming from the stage.

So far I've come up with, "President Trump, what is it like being such a colossal, racist, orange fuckwit?", but beyond that I have hit a bit of a wall.