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I'VE finally taken the plunge and given up masturbating - and I’ve never felt better.

BEING a moron is no barrier to becoming a millionaire YouTuber. Read our guide to find out how it’s done.

LET'S be honest, it’s me or another box of Quality Street.

IN MANY ways, I am like Jesus. But he wasn’t real, so I am actually better than Jesus.

ARE you the sort of sad case who genuinely cares which posho nursery Princess Charlotte goes to? Take the test to find out.

EVEN if you are self-employed, you can still organise a work Christmas party where you end up drunkenly humiliating yourself.

CHRISTMAS is full of wonderful opportunities to be sickeningly middle class, but what sort of bourgeois poncery is right for you? Read our guide for inspiration.

HAVE a few days off to go shopping or simply get pissed with our guide to the best fake illnesses.

CHRISTMAS would not be complete without a traditionally shit workplace bash, but how should you go about organising one? Read our guide.

I AM David Davis MP, world-class negotiator and hero of Brexit, and these are my infallible strategies for outwitting any opponent.