DECLARING war is this season’s hottest trend – but who or what should you start a war against?
Take our test to find out who is your main enemy.
1. What are you trying to defend?
A – Fried breakfasts, pound coins and the right to skull near-suicidal amounts of lager on a bi-weekly basis.
B – That nice tree you recently planted in the garden.
C – The rights of the workers who are being oppressed by some fat bastard.
D – Must kill the robots.
2. What sort of war leader are you?
A – Like Churchill, at least in terms of body fat ratio.
B – Basically pretty cool.
C – I see war as more of a collaborative process where everyone does lots of brainstorming sessions and gets 35 days annual leave plus Bank Holidays.
D – Must kill the robots.
3. What quote will you most be remembered for?
A – “I think I fucked up again.”
B – “If anyone’s got a green Ford Ka can you please move it?”
C – “The times they are a-changing.”
D – “Must kill the robots.”
4. What is your most brilliant strategy?
A – Just generally blaming all of life’s woes on a randomly-selected enemy, that sort of thing.
B – Rolling your eyes and mouthing the word ‘boring’ when anyone disagrees with you.
C – Googling ‘brilliant strategies’.
D – “Must kill the robots.”
Answers
Mostly As – You are at war with France. Should not be too difficult.
Mostly Bs – You are at war with squirrels. Get a tetanus jab.
Mostly Cs – You are at war with Sports Direct. Remember they may be closed over Easter.
Mostly Ds – Robots.
