Are you British or have you and your family just lived and worked here since 1948?

IN the busy, modern world it can be hard to tell if you and your family have just lived, worked and paid tax here since the end of World War Two. Take our quick test to find out if we should illegally deport you or not…

Do you know every word to the national anthem?

A. The Sex Pistols song or the one they sing before England gets knocked out of a football tournament? Either way, I know bits of the chorus.

B. Yes, because I grew up in a family who moved here in 1948 to provide a much needed work force and that kind of national identity was important to us.

Oasis or Blur?

A. Oasis.

B. Oasis.

Have you and your family lived and worked in the UK for generations, paying tax and contributing to your local community?

A. I’m from Cornwall so technically ‘yes’, but just don’t ask me or my dad when we’ve had a few drinks because we’ve got some pretty funky ideas about borders and what we regard as ‘England’.

B. Yes. And I’m proud of that fact.

Mostly As: You’re as British as Apple Pie!

Mostly Bs: Pack your bag, foreigner, and take your sense of genuine national pride with you.

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It will never be cold again, agrees Britain

THE UK has agreed that today’s mild sunshine means summer has arrived and it will never be cold again.

Across the country Britons are stowing away their winter wardrobes, firing up barbecues and preparing for long, lazy days in the blazing sun watching the World Cup.

Joe Turner, from Uttoxeter, said: “Who’s for skinny-dipping later? After we’ve drunk eight beers each in the golden light of the setting sun, obviously.

Emma Bradford, from Hatfield, added: “There’s just this tiny doubt in the back of my mind, almost as if I’ve been fooled like this before. As if everyone has.

“But no, British people are not stupid people. I think I’ll walk home, and leave my coat at work.”

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