Don't Shower With Your Turkey, Warn Experts

SHOWERING with your turkey could ruin Christmas, food safety experts warned last night.

New research suggests that people who take their turkeys into the bath or shower over the festive season run the risk of infection and serious injury.

Dr Bill McKay, director of poultry at the National Bathing Institute, said: "It's very tempting, particularly at this time of year, to take a turkey into the bathroom.

"A few years ago I made the mistake of trying to have a bath with a 12 pound male. I still have the scars to prove it.

"If you really want to wash a turkey then take it into the back garden, tie it to a downpipe and set the hose on it."

Dr McKay added: "If you are absolutely desperate to bathe with a large fowl I would strongly recommend a plump, English goose. They are even-tempered and scrub-up nicely.

"But if that's a bit ambitious, you can always start out with a duck and work your way up."

Dr McKay said geese react best to an all-in-one shampoo and conditioner and a cocoa butter moisturising body wash.

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Working Mums Prefer White Wine To Childcare, Says Study

MOTHERS who work are happier than those who stay at home because they can have liquid lunches and don't have to spend time with their kids, according to a new report.

A study by Glasgow Clyde University found that so-called 'stay-at-home mums' were not entirely happy with the daily prospect of unremitting, high-pitched wailing and a face full of vomit.

Meanwhile mothers who went back to work as soon as they possibly could reported high levels of satisfaction when it came to chatting about the X-Factor, 'poking' Facebook users and spending lunchtime immersed in a vat of Pinot Grigio.

Research chief Dr Henry Brubaker said: "Every woman has a different approach to motherhood, but we found that increasingly most women have exactly the same approach, which is to get the hell out of the house.

"Modern parenting means you can work, enjoy the company of your friends and have a skinful at lunchtime safe in the knowledge that the nursery will text you if something interesting happens."

Mandy Amble, 36, from Peterborough, said: "At first I wanted to spend as much time as I could with my child. But after six solid hours of that stinking lump shouting, 'Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!' I started to change my mind.

"Now I can pretend to work all day and enjoy a range of top class white wines without having to worry about being covered in piss and shit."

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