Sport

MARCUS Rashford is a hero who’s given Britain hope. And now it’s time for us to give back, by making him sole winner of the 2019/20 Premier League.

A LOAD of absolute knobheads are delighted that sport is back on shortly, as if it mattered.

FOOTBALLERS are currently being paid to have sex with beautiful women and drive expensive cars without having to kick a ball or suffer from thigh strain.

FOOTBALL authorities have declared a supporting amnesty for the next 12 days during which fans can switch team without penalty.

NOW that coronavirus has stripped live sport from your life, how can you fill the hole where yelling at sweaty people on TV used to be? Here are five simple ways.

MICHAEL Gove has kept his position in the cabinet to punish Britain, Boris Johnson has confirmed. 

A MAN in his mid-30s is still wondering if it is really too late for him to become a professional footballer.

THE England rugby team will intimidate the Springboks in the World Cup final by performing a terrifying tea-making ritual on the pitch.

AUSTRALIA’S Rugby World Cup exit is of no interest to its citizens who much prefer books to sport, it has been claimed.

AN English man has added ‘f**king Bulgars’ to his vocabulary of muttered invective after England’s match against Bulgaria last night.