Politics

FANCY eating your Christmas dinner with the windows wide open in December while worrying about what exactly you're allowed to do? Follow the government’s Christmas guidance.

A PRIME minister whose position is proof that Britain makes f**king terrible decisions has told us to ‘use our own judgment’ over Christmas.

BREXIT’S going tits-up, and it can’t be your fault because you voted Leave. Wayne Hayes explains who to point the finger at for undermining our sovereignty.

THE EU keeps imposing deadlines like idiots who don’t know they’re up against the most experienced deadline-dodger in politics. Here’s how I mock them.

THE prime minister is today expected to rise late, enjoy a lengthy lunch, lie about farting then remember his Brexit deadline at approximately 4pm.

THE UK has been told to get ready for food shortages, rampant inflation and losing their jobs and homes by a strong, resolute prime minister. 

DOMINIC Raab has reassured Britain that cannibalism is normal, healthy and would actually make us a more vital and entrepreneurial country. 

CURIOUS to know what happened at the make-or-break Brexit trade talks last night? Here is an almost certainly true account.

THE fate of the whole UK depends on Boris Johnson taking a woman to dinner, listening to what she says and taking it seriously.

ORDERED to cry on telly by Downing Street PR, even though you’ve spent nine months feeling so sorry for yourself you no longer have tears left?