Politics

LOOKING for a last-minute gift, but can’t find anything callous and vindictive enough? I know the feeling, so here’s how to give a loved one a sponsored deportation this Christmas.

A BREXIT voter cannot see how striking workers are allowed to vote for action which deliberately and wilfully makes his life worse.

A MAN who manages liquid assets for a large conglomerate is harbouring a secret crush on RMT secretary Mick Lynch.

A WISTFUL Conservative party has decided to indulge in one last miners’ strike for old times’ sake.

ARE you due to become a Tory peer, probably after giving them a lot of money? You’ll need a title for your new role. Since it’s made up, here are some suggestions for your new grifting name.

EVERYTHING’S fine, that’s the news! The strikers will get bored eventually! The cold’s a blip, there won’t be blackouts, and my party will warm to me!

WOMEN could have told you Baroness Mone’s PPE would be overpriced and unusable because the same went for her bras.

LIBERAL Remainer who unfailingly votes Labour? Thanks to Keir Starmer’s hard line on the EU, you’re a Brexiter now. Here’s how to modify your behaviour.

ARE you sad enough to read Matt Hancock’s account of the Covid crisis, Pandemic Diaries? Here are the ‘best’ bits so at least you don't have to buy the Daily Mail for the serialisation.

WAS your vote for Brexit the best thing ever in 2016, but now you’re broke, hungry and immigration’s higher than ever? Here’s why it’s still great.