Politics

BRITONS have confirmed they are greatly looking forward to a sunny summer Friday when they wake up to find the Tories have been annihilated and the football is on.

AN android, facing the fact that his limited lifespan is coming to an end, has given a moving speech in heavy rain.

HELLO. I’m Jeremy Hunt, chancellor by default, and pre-election I’d like to talk you through the economic model that has made Britain such a success.

KEIR Starmer has been informed that if he is taking being prime minister seriously, he will need a f**k of a lot more than six fixes.

THE government is keen to politicise sex education, but should Conservative MPs be giving anyone advice on sex? Here is a worrying copy of a ‘learning resource’ they’ve created.

FORMER Tory MP Natalie Elphicke is doing her best to fit in with her new Labour comrades, but struggling to find common ground. These are her openers so far.

THE member for Dover has defected from the Conservatives to Labour, but what invaluable secrets does she bring from her former masters?