Politics
Britons reclassified as snails
UK RESIDENTS are to be reclassified as snails, in a government bid to avoid the jurisdiction of the European Court of Human Rights.
Government ditches plan to educate people
THE government has scrapped plans to educate people aged between five and 22.
Independent Scotland to blame cats
UNABLE to continue blaming the English for their misfortunes, an independent Scotland will instead hate cats.
Britain to decide why it's shit
DAVID Cameron has pledged to settle, once and for all, the question of why Britain is so shit.
Obama regrets promising new Game of Thrones book
PRESIDENT Obama made a number of rash, personalised promises to voters, it has emerged.