Politics

FOUR Labour MPs have claimed expenses for getting caught offering to peddle their influence to the highest bidder like common whores.

BRITAIN'S biggest trade union today ordered Gordon Brown to describe it as 'deplorable'.

NICK Clegg has pledged to raise the amount of semen coating the inside of Britain's tube socks by at least a fifth.

THE Conservative Party leadership are to shift the focus of their election campaign to securing the support of their own wives.

GORDON Brown is considering granting parole to the Yorkshire Ripper in the hope of another opinion poll boost.

VOTERS across Britain have expressed outrage at Lord Ashcroft's ability to avoid more tax than them.

BRITISH politics was in turmoil last night after a man you have never heard of was elected to do something you couldn't care less about.

MPs have published a censored version of their expenses in the hope that you will forget you have already seen them.

BARONESS Thatcher was under sedation last night after trying to close the ward where she is being treated.

GORDON Brown continued his political fightback last night by somehow finding a brand new thing to make an arse of.