Politics

THIS month's budget will be the first to be beamed into the House of Commons directly from the future, Gordon Brown has revealed.

HOME secretary Jacqui Smith has changed her name to 'Trixie Beaver', it was confirmed last night.

MPs are expected to claim thousands of pounds for the black markers they will use to censor their expenses claims, it emerged last night.

DIRTY bombs are nowhere near as dirty as some of the stuff you can get on cable, home secretary Jacqui Smith said last night.

GORDON Brown last night added the attack on the home of Sir Fred Goodwin to the list of things that are not his fault.

GORDON Brown today apologised for not being even more intelligent than he so obviously is.

GORDON Brown last night dismissed calls to surrender his £123,000 a year pension when he is forced to stop being prime minister next June.

LORD Mandelson has been given a resounding answer to his question of who the fuck Starbucks boss Howard Schultz thinks he is.

GORDON Brown last night ordered his minions to fetch him a fresh bank.

PRIME minister Gordon Brown is displaying the classic symptoms of recession, doctors warned last night.