Politics

UNIVERSAL Credit is to be reformed but out of self-interest not human decency, Tories have revealed.

TORY MP Jacob Rees-Mogg believes that despite the prime minister’s attempts to appease Germany, Britain is once again on the verge of World War Two.

A SELFISH bastard is putting Britain’s excellent Brexit plan at risk by thinking about the consequences.

THERESA May has confirmed the Cabinet agrees she is the best person to be prime minister and that everyone should let that sink in for a minute.  

BRITAIN has given its backing to a radical new plan of replacing Theresa May with nobody at all and leaving the post permanently vacant.

THERESA May has vowed to humiliate and destroy everyone who felt sympathy for her yesterday.

FORMER prime minister David Cameron has given in and conceded that his successor Theresa May is the worst prime minister of the 21st century.

NORMAL people are trying to comprehend a days-long event where the best bit is Theresa May saying things.

GRASSROOTS Tories have told squabbling Cabinet ministers to focus on important issues like hanging and gayness.

CONSERVATIVES are wearing Corbyn-themed merchandise to disguise their identities on the streets of Manchester during the party conference.