Politics

THERESA May’s position as prime minister is on a zero-hours contract meaning she does not even know if she will be working next week.

POLITICS is to be run on a season-to-season basis like football, in order to give the public regular breaks from the unbearable quantity of bullshit.

OVER the last year, I have been left aghast by the selfishness of Britons in their wilful, egocentric behaviour. 

THE prime minister is pointedly not speaking to the people of Britain until they apologise to her, and is furious that they do not seem to have noticed.

EVERY fish in the world has been declared a subject of Her Majesty the Queen.

SEVEN years of unnecessarily brutal economic policies were no big deal and Britain should just move on now, Tory leaders have explained.

JEREMY Corbyn has reminded the nation that he too is a hard Brexit fanatic, despite seeming nice and having a beard.

JACOB Rees-Mogg was sent from the year 1883 to stop the Conservatives from being destroyed, it has emerged.

THERESA May has saved Britain once again by acting decisively to rescue the country from the threatened catastrophe of firefighters being paid more.

THE Conservative party has confirmed it is opposed, on both a theoretical and practical level, to solving any of the problems faced by modern Britain.