Politics

ARE you responsible for something very important and it’s turned into a total shitshow? Here’s how to try and convince yourself and others that everything’s fine.

BY the time testing is reliably rolled out, either the crisis, or the world, might have ended. Here are some tests that are more dependable than the UK government’s current offering.

LOSING track of exactly which government f**k-up came when? Follow our pandemic timeline.

THE government has explained that using EU-procured medical equipment to save British lives would be high treason punishable by death.

THE home secretary has clarified that she is neither a cabinet hawk or a cabinet dove but a evil cabinet vulture.

THE government says coronavirus is all the more reason to leave the EU. Here’s why we’d never have caught it in the first place if it wasn't for Eurocrats and their regulations.

BORIS Johnson is – supposedly – the prime minister. But is the entire thing just a hoax played on a guillible country? These are the clues.

THE government has signalled that Britain could face another four weeks of lockdown, and Priti Patel could face a further 40 after that.

PRITI Patel’s constant smirk and the ongoing national crisis aren’t generally thought to go well together. Here are some ways for the home secretary to try to look more sincere.

BRITONS are nervously awaiting the all-clear from the prime minister’s doctors so that they can think he is a dick again.