A MAN whose rear end has never been anything other than vigorously washed has been allowed to enter Love Island, to the horror of other contestants. 

Alongside contestants aged over 35 and contestants going through divorces, the disgusted inhabitants will be forced to share the villa with Ryan Whittaker, whose chocolate starfish is believed to remain a stomach-heaving brown.

22-year-old Grace Wood-Morris, who is willing to have sex with a stranger on television to win money, said: “This breaks every societal taboo. What are they thinking?

“Bad enough I’m sharing space with men who should, by the rules of Logan’s Run, be hunted down and killed but this brown-eyed monster? In our hot tubs?

“The producers say ‘it’ll be hidden by his trunks’ and ‘we want to encourage diversity’ but how can you relax knowing at any moment he could reveal it and we’ll all lose our sight from the shock?”

Whittaker said: “I’ve got the muscles and the tattoos and the veneers, so I thought I could get away without having a highly abrasive substance painted on my ringpiece until it sizzles.

“However, the other islands have agreed they’re going to hunt me down like a wild hog and place my severed head on a stick, which will make great telly and bring the other couples together. So there’s a happy ending.”