War

TRIDENT is useless apart from making the Labour party look like pacifist weirdoes, one of Britain’s top generals has warned.

SIR John Chilcot has confirmed everything that absolutely everybody already knew the entire time.

TONY Blair secretly wants to be tried for war crimes so everyone will look at him again.

BRITAIN cannot wait to read the Chilcot Report to find out if the Iraq war was an abject disaster or totally brilliant.

LEGO characters are arming themselves in preparation for wiping all Playmobil figures from the face of the earth.

A PERFECTLY rational man is planning to build a nuclear fallout shelter after reading about Donald Trump’s presidential nomination.

DAVID Cameron and Nigel Farage have gone into battle over who is the biggest ponce.

BADGERS faced with further culls have received combat training from a grizzled honey badger.

CHEERING crowds packed the streets of Britain yesterday as the nation finally got the war it has wanted for so very long.

HOME Secretary Theresa May will press ahead with plans to look at everyone's  photos.