Society

20th century rewritten to take out all the unpleasantness

THE 20th century has been rewritten by sensitivity readers to remove all the distressing references to race, gender and mental health.

The absolute f**king nutjobs no high street would be complete without

POPPING into town? You're bound to run into these nutters without whom it just wouldn't be the same.

Explain that the lavatory is located indoors: How to put your Northern guests at ease

YOU’RE having a party. But there’s a snag - you’ve got guests from ‘Oop North’ who may feel out of their depth, socially inferior and in need of a bath. Here’s how to spare them embarrassment.

Six everyday activities that are now designed to shaft you financially

GAS used to be for cooking and heating at an affordable price. Now it’s about sucking as much cash as possible out of the public. And it’s not the only everyday activity that’s become a mild form of extortion.

Straight white man working in shitty dead-end job keenly aware of his privilege

A CISHET white British man who works on a chicken farm is, like Harry Styles, fully aware of the winning hand life has dealt him.

Man too far into prejudiced opinion to laugh it off as a joke

A MAN has committed to an unfounded and narrow-minded belief so fully that he can no longer back out by saying it was a joke.

It would stop murder like it has in America: Five great reasons to bring back the death penalty

COMMON sense has finally prevailed after Tory deputy chair Lee Anderson said it was time to bring back capital punishment. Here are five solid reasons why a good hanging is just what this country needs.

Cyclist waving traffic past him managing to cause, solve and complicate problem

A CYCLIST with a long line of cars behind him is doing an excellent job of blocking traffic, trying to alleviate it, and confusing everyone in the process. 

Guardian readers' new gentrified activity is 'wild copulation'

MIDDLE-CLASS perverts are packing car parks in forests for their new obsession of ‘wild copulation’, formerly known as dogging.

Eleven everyday annoyances that should have gone back to normal after Covid but didn't

COVID was an excellent excuse to make things a pain in the arse and conveniently fail to return them to normal. This stuff is just like that now.