Society

GCHQ opens to public

GCHQ has opened its headquarters and outstanding collection of confidential data to the public for the first time.

Lanyard-wearers believe it protects them from witches

PEOPLE who insist on wearing ID lanyards outside the office believe they offer protection from evil, it has emerged.

'Cool' guy turns out to be a Christian

EVERYONE is incredibly surprised to discover a 'quite cool' 33-year-old man is a Christian.

Friend’s new flat nice by London standards

YOUR friend’s new flat is nice, for London.

Family planning ridiculously over-supervised Halloween

A NICE family is going to ludicrous lengths to ensure Halloween is safe, healthy and educational.

We just sound depressed, insist Wolverhampton residents

PEOPLE from Wolverhampton have reassured everyone that they are perfectly happy despite their accents.

Couple pride themselves on quality of their rows

A COUPLE believe that their rows are better than other people's arguments.

Man who did Spanish GCSE will handle tapas order

A MAN who got a B in GSCE Spanish has taken charge of ordering for his date in La Tasca.

Misogynists ‘must get consent’ before speaking

MISOGYNISTS will be required to get consent before boring people with their predictable anti-women opinions, the government has announced.

Garage overestimates value of its labour by 8,000 per cent

A GARAGE is charging more than 800 times the true value of its mechanics’ time and expertise, it has emerged.