Society

EXPERTS have warned that Britain may be under partial lockdown for the next six months. Here’s how it will go.

NO, not just ‘I can’t shake this cough’ – here are the other once-innocent phrases that now fill you with terror.

WE'RE all aware that COVID-19 is bad, but some morons believe it has appeared ‘for a reason’. Prepare yourself for an argument with these people by learning about their idiotic theories.

YOUR next door neighbours have become more annoying now you are locked down next to them, experts have confirmed. 

BRITAIN’S idiots are beginning to realise that cheap paper for wiping your bottom is not a valuable commodity like gold or diamonds.

BRITONS stuck at home for months have reflected that it is a good thing they stockpiled or they would not have all this rice. 

AFTER one week of attempting to teach their children at home parents now believe teachers must be superhuman.

A MAN who wanted to make a video for social media about people coming together has been told to f**k right off by his neighbours.

ARE your feelings of anxiety and peril making you think it’s a good idea to text your ex? Don’t. This will pass and you’ll feel like a twat. Here are some more things not to do.

A MAN using social media to keep friends and relatives’ spirits up should just f**king stop, everyone has agreed.