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Six things people in their mid-40s can't believe happened ages ago

ARE you in your mid-40s but still a funky 20-something in your head? Here are some things that will plunge you into an existential panic when you realise how long ago they happened.

Trainspotting came out

Hugely popular film that made everyone want to be a junkie – obviously the hip, skinny Ewan McGregor kind, not the f**ked-up guy hassling you for change type. It can’t have been that long ago, right? No, it was 1996. Jesus.

Smoking was banned in pubs

It seems like only yesterday that everyone could smoke in pubs and smelt like Dave Allen’s suit. Actually it’s been 13 years since you could nurse a pint without having to rip up a beermat to do something with your hands.

We had a government which was vaguely normal

Surely this lot can’t have been in power very long, because any self-respecting country would have got rid ages ago? No, they were elected in 2010 and will be sticking around until at least 2024. Bugger.

Bradley Wiggins won the Tour de France

Wiggo’s win seems recent, but was in fact all the way back in 2012. Mind you, seeing him now on the Giro D’Italia highlights show on Quest is as stark a reminder of the ravages of time as you can get.

Screamadelica was released

Even if you weren’t a Primal Scream fan, you’ll remember this omnipresent album. It was a while back, for sure, but not that long ago? No, it was more than three decades. What the hell have you done with your life?

The last time you sat down without making a satisfied ‘old man’ noise

You could also add: when you last got wasted and suffered only a brief, tiny hangover, and many other examples. The exact details and dates may vary, but it was a f**k of a long time ago.

'What's she been in?' man asks for the duration of whole f**king film

A MAN ruined a film by wondering where he had seen the female lead before for the entirety of its running time.

While clicking his fingers in frustration, Ryan Whittaker spoilt The Favourite for girlfriend Lauren Hewitt by asking what else had what’s-her-name who plays Queen Anne been in every five seconds.

Hewitt said: “I was about to tell Ryan the first time he asked, but he held up a finger as if remembering an incredibly ubiquitous celebrity was a solemn duty he had to perform on his own.

“I mean it’s Olivia Colman for f**k’s sake. She’s been in everything. You could take any show or film from the last 10 years and she’s probably in it somehow.”

“I had to put on a pair of headphones to drown out his incessant speculation and switched on the DVD subtitles so I could follow what was going on.

“After 40 minutes he had the nerve to make me pause it so he could have a wee. Even then I could still hear him upstairs saying ‘god, it’s on the tip of my tongue’.”

Whittaker said: “Of course! She was in Broadchurch with that Scottish bloke, wasn’t she? What was the name of that other show he was in? No, don’t tell me, I’ll remember it.”

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