Absolute weirdo wants to spend time with colleagues outside of work

A COMPLETE oddball wants to see his colleagues even when he is not being paid to do so, it has emerged. 

Account manager Wayne Hayes, who already spends a minimum of 40 hours a week with his co-workers, apparently sincerely enjoys their company outside of working hours.

Colleague Emma Bradford said: “I’m so sick of everyone in the office that it takes the whole weekend to shake off my semi-murderous impulses towards them. 

“But for some reason Wayne gets to Friday and, instead of running the hell away to spend time with people whose company he’s actually chosen, wants to see who’s up for a quick pint.

“It’s not a particularly social work culture and these aren’t mandatory events, so I have no idea what his deal is. He’s almost definitely a serial killer.”

Wayne Hayes said: “Why has nobody responded to my murder mystery evening invitation? Maybe they’re all too busy planning their costumes. I’ll send a reminder.” 

Are you quirky or just annoying?

ARE special and eccentric or just an annoying idiot? Take our test to find out.

Are you…

1. Your partner asks you where the money from their wallet has gone. How do you reply?

A) I took it.

B) A magic hippo called Clive took it.

2. You see a large puddle on the pavement. Do you:

A) Step around it, feeling vaguely annoyed by the shit weather.

B) Shout ‘splashy play!!’ and jump into it with both feet, soaking everyone around you.

3. A programme about zoo animals being treated by a vet is on television. Do you:

A) Change the channel to something with tits in it.

B) Cry for three hours then buy a Capuchin monkey off the internet.

4. Do you think fairies are:

A) Bollocks.

B) Beautiful!!

Mostly As – You are a standard issue bastard.

Mostly Bs – You are a selfish bastard hiding massive character flaws behind a contrived web of magic and whimsy. If you think fairies are real, what about imps? Go on, what about imps?