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'BT Wi-Fi with Fon' told to f**k off and die

THE stupidly-named BT wi-fi thing that overrides your internet connection should burn in hell, it has been confirmed.

‘BT Wi-Fi with Fon’, ‘BT Fon’, ‘BT-Wi-Fi-with-Fon’ or whatever the fuck it is called deliberately antagonises internet users by bullying their home internet into submission.

Householder Mary Fisher said: “Every time I turn on my computer I see ‘BT Wi-Fi-with-thing’. I do not know what it is. I do not care. I hate it.

“It’s just always lingering like some memory of a past misdemeanour that pops up just to spoil your day.”

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “Nobody knows what ‘BT Fon’ is or what it wants.

“Everyone hates it though. It should kill itself.”

A BT spokesman said: “We don’t know what it is either. Apparently though a ‘Fon’ is a type of antelope that lives in small family groups near mangrove swamps.

“Sometimes it pops up on our computers at work, it’s fucking annoying.”

Man who says 'correct me if I'm wrong' has no intention of being corrected

A MAN who asks people to correct him if he was wrong does not in fact wish to be corrected, it has emerged.

Nathan Muir recently declared that wi-fi signals caused a range of serious illnesses, and invited people to correct him if he was mistaken.

However upon being told that wi-fi caused nothing except faster-loading websites, Muir became angry.

Muir responded: “Correct me if I’m wrong, but wi-fi is basically tiny lasers shot directly into our brains.

“The only safe internet is dial-up and people who deny it, correct me if I’m wrong, are paid by the government to spread lies.

“You also shouldn’t have a microwave, because it makes the iron in your blood radioactive. Correct me if I’m wrong.”

Muir’s workmate Donna Sheridan said: “I tried to tell Nathan he was wrong and he lost his temper and said I was a munter. He added that nobody asked for my opinion.”

Muir said: “In the future I’ll just begin every sentence with the words ‘Do not attempt to correct me, because I am right’.”

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