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Married couple can't remember last time they had threesome

A COUPLE who have been married for five years are struggling to remember when they were last intimate with a third person.

Tom and Jenny Logan of Bristol have been so busy with their children and careers that they admit they have let their passion for troilism fall by the wayside.

Jenny said: “I guess we’ve stopped making intimacy with a third person a priority. It’s a shame, and it makes me feel sad about our marriage.

“We always told each other that no matter how busy we were we’d still find time to go out trawling bars for strangers who were up for a bit of three-way action. What happened?”

Tom agreed: “Maybe it’ll take some of the spontaneity out of it, but I think once a month we should schedule a date night, contact one of our guest players at least a fortnight in advance and book places and times etcetera.

“Otherwise it’ll be like last time and we’ll end up lonely in a hotel room making love to nobody but each other.”

Of course we want the dessert menu, says anyone in right mind

RESTAURANT customers have told waiters not to waste their time asking if they would like to see the dessert menu because the answer is always yes. 

Diners have pointed out that they are clearly greedy bastards or they would not be eating out in the first place so it can be safely assumed that the answer to ‘Want a big fat cake?’ will be in the affirmative.

Roy Hobbs of Wrexham said: “You think I want to walk out of a restaurant with a savoury taste lingering in my mouth? Why, for f*ck’s sake?

“Call it dessert, pudding, sweet or whatever else suits but bring me a menu filled with butter, sugar, chocolate and cream without delay. Have a few fruit ones if you like. We won’t choose them.”

Emma Bradford agreed: “It should be one of those things where they do it by default unless you opt out, like organ donation. It’s of equal importance.

“Gorging on creme bruleé, brownies and salted caramel tarts is a right, not a privilege.

“The dessert ordering experience needs to be reframed so that deniers are forced to see their behaviour for what it is – antisocial and fundamentally against nature.”

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