By smiling and whispering wife discovers she can call husband 'w*nker' in front of kids

A WIFE has discovered she can insult her husband in front of the children by maintaining a smile and whispering it.

Susan Traherne would normally summon husband James into the bedroom to call him a w*nker, but the new technique allows her to do it in other situations.

Traherne said: “We’re both committed to not arguing in front of the kids at an audible level, but now I can have a go at him any time, even a family dinner.

“By using the smile and whisper method our kids have no idea that I just called my husband ‘a complete w*nker who makes the cat seem useful around the house’.”

Husband James said: “It’s great that Susan has found this way to pretend we’re not really having an argument.

“She can be a self-centred, spoiled cow, which I will be pointing out later using the smile and whisper technique.”

Son Jack said: “When Mum is really smiley we know Dad’s in the sh*t again.”

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What sort of idiot who's obsessed with Harry and Meghan are you?

ARE you determined to waste your life following the problems of two very rich people you don’t know? You might be one of the following idiots.

Meghan hater

Apparently a full-time job for some people, judging by internet comments. It could be racially motivated, or maybe bitchy people just love a good pile-on. Either way, almost anything else is a more productive use of your time, eg. making a life-sized owl out of your ear wax.

Cringing Royalist

You love the Royals. You don’t really know why, but you follow them obsessively. You’ve got a Charles and Di plate from 1981 and have been buying commemorative tat ever since, most recently a ‘Baby Archie’ tea towel. Even being a fan of Mumford & Sons is less embarrassing than this.

Moron who loves gossip magazines

If you’re a Heat or OK! reader who actually cares about Jennifer Garner going for a walk with Ben Affleck, you’ll be familiar with Harry and Meghan. Try reading something different – you might discover you’re really into Martin Amis, just as a change from ‘troubled Sheridan Smith’ articles.

Daily Mail journalist

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Actual stalker

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