BBC political editor Laura Kuenssberg has admitted she is the Machiavellian puppet master behind Brexit, which she triggered to boost her career.
Kuenssberg revealed that the prolonged and confusing withdrawal of the United Kingdom from the European Union seemed like the easiest way to secure herself a pay rise and loads of juicy overtime.
She continued: “It’s the worst-kept secret in the industry that the quickest way to climb the career ladder is to undermine the foundations of Western democracy.
“All I had to do was play the parties off against each other, keep Nigel Farage from retiring, and invent the occasional new clause to spice the story up. All without blowing my cover or tooting my own horn over my genius masterplan.
“It looked like it was all over last weekend, but I left a draft amendment on Letwin’s desk and nudged Boris to get everything over with in a hurry. A desperate roll of the dice on my part but it paid off.”
She added: “Whoever’s behind this Extinction Rebellion stuff is playing a good game, and whichever US hack’s got Trump’s impeachment going is serious competition I’ll have to deal with sooner or later.
“But Brexit? That’s a job for life mate. My job. So back off.”