Lifestyle

MIDDLE-AGED people must get seven hours sleep, research has found. So that’s another bloody thing to worry about, along with mysterious clothing shrinkage. Here’s some more advice that can f**k off.

THERE’S been some slightly warm weather, and that means men stripping off. Luckily, like tremors before an earthquake, these warning signs will help you detect when a man is about to disrobe.

DO you ever feel like the universe hates you? Why else would it do these things to you when you’re already having a shit day?

THE most disgusting, unnatural thing you can have is hair on your body. Feel shit about it? Good. Now buy our products and the pain will be worth it.

SOCIETY has come a long way toward fighting misogyny and eliminating sexism, which is great as long as you keep quiet about missing these things.

SOME wanker’s always trying to get you to watch this or try this or go doing that. You nod and say ‘I really should’ while intending to do no such f**king thing.

A WOMAN'S primeval foraging instincts kicked in as she searched through the wilderness of TK Maxx for anything she might actually wear.

CHILDREN are annoying enough during the week, but at the weekend they find new ways to irritate you. Such as these.

DATING a nerd? You could be exhibiting problematic behaviour like this without even knowing it.

SLAVISHLY attempting to fit in with your peers is just something pathetic teenagers do, right? Or did you do one of the following things because all your grown-up mates did?