Lifestyle

None of hotel room's 40 light switches switch off the lights

NONE of a hotel room’s 40 unmarked light switches actually switch off the lights, forcing guests to play a tiresome game of trial-and-error.

'Take a chill pill': cool phrases which effortlessly demonstrate you're old and out-of-touch

ARE you rapidly ageing into irrelevance? Does the slang of your youth date you as accurately as tree rings? Which of these outdated phrases are you using?

'Where the f**k is the toaster?': the seven stages of realising your flatmate's stolen half your stuff

ANY houseshare will one day experience a feeling of emptiness as they realise their departed flatmate has blatantly robbed them. These are the stages of your journey.

Mother who found vibrator in daughter's room has a little go

A MOTHER who discovered a sex toy in her daughter’s room could not resist turning it on just to see how it worked, she has admitted.

Nobody told man there was £200 penalty-free shoplifting limit

A MAN who has only just learned you can shoplift as much as you like under £200 without penalty wishes someone had told him earlier.

Candle shops, the cosmetics aisle, and the other locations where time ceases to pass for boyfriends

SCIENTISTS say time only slows when you approach light-speed but any man who has accompanied their girlfriend to Superdrug will disagree. Here are more locations where time stands still for boyfriends.

Man not sure if he is stuck in a Groundhog Day scenario or just middle-aged

A MAN is unsure whether he is living out the plot of the 1993 film Groundhog Day or if he is just trapped the dull and repetitive cycle of being 46 years old.

'Where did Napoleon keep his armies? Boulogne': a joke book for pedantic knobheads

PREFER pedantry to humour? Keep being told jokes that rely on inaccuracies or deliberate misunderstandings? Shut them down with these answers.

How many people have f**ked on that mattress? Holiday rental questions not to consider

HOLIDAY rentals are often shabby and strange, but you’ll put up with anything if it’s cheap enough. Here are some questions about them that should stay unanswered.