Lifestyle

A WOMAN is wondering why her parents bother to eat out when they always choose food that is indistinguishable from what they have at home.

A MAN has admitted he only goes to the cinema to indulge in righteous fury at the prices.

A WOMAN who has an enviable figure, an Audi Q5 and a walk-in wardrobe is hoping her legacy will live on.

WEEKENDS can seem fun, but for the childless they’re really just long, boring days to shop through until the acceptable time to start drinking.

A TEENAGER monitors his phone battery closely in case anyone should miss out on his extremely unimportant thoughts.    

EVEN though it has been a really tough week and you are absolutely knackered no one gives a shit, it has been confirmed.  

A COUPLE returned from holiday to discover their house smells weird, it has emerged.

A WOMAN with a shiny new manicure has begun her countdown to smudging, chipping or generally ruining it.

A COUPLE in their 50s are throwing themselves into the local country & western scene with sodding cowboy hats and everything, it has emerged.

THE weekend’s here, and if you don’t get the kids out of the house then you’ll end up strangling at least one of them.