Lifestyle

A VEGAN birthday cake is just a pile of flour tinged with disappointment and sadness, it has been confirmed.

EXPENSIVE technical wear has turned mild-mannered ramblers into delusional maniacs unable to tell the difference between good and bad, it has been confirmed.

A WOMAN has unveiled plans to spend a delightful weekend curled up in an armchair reading a massive book about shagging.

A COUPLE have finally acquired their dream home by hollowing out an avocado and living inside it.

BRITISH drinkers have confirmed that any alcoholic drink that does not make you vomit, start a fight or urinate in or on furniture is just fizzy pop.

A MAN who completed a DNA test has turned up at work with a bizarre accent.

THE chaos and disruption of an invasion of middle-class mums and their spoilt children makes a Hell’s Angels rampage look like nothing, a cafe owner has claimed.

A WOMAN believes she has the God-given right to see any new kitchen that has been installed even if she barely knows the householders in question.

A SINGLE man with no responsibilities and lots of disposable income believes he is more stressed than everyone else in his office.

A BLOCK of cheddar has told the fresh ingredients for a healthy meal they will be ignored for two weeks before going in the bin.