PERPETUALLY sloshing olive oil all over the place because your partner never puts the lid back on properly? They probably do these other things too:
Massacring the butter
That neat rectangular block of butter, or tub of margarine, has been purposefully shaped in such a way that you can glide your knife easily over the surface. So why does your partner feel the need to gouge deep holes at random that leaves it looking like a vicious miniature battle has just happened on it? Are they an animal? It seems so.
Not being arsed to put lids back on properly
It takes approximately three seconds to screw the lid back on a bottle, yet your partner is so busy and important that they don’t have the time, leaving you cleaning up various liquids that have slopped everywhere when you pick it up. Well, they’re either busy and important or just f**king irritating, lazy bastards.
Putting empty jars back in the fridge
OK, so there is a tiny blob of jam left in the jar that would cover one square inch of toast, but that does not mean the excuse ‘it’s not finished yet’ will wash. You’ve got a fridge crammed with empty condiment containers because neither one of you is prepared to crack and go to the effort of cleaning them out.
Uses every utensil, dish and pan possible
When you cook, you use your equipment as efficiently impossible, washing up as you go so there’s minimal mess left for your partner to clear up after. When they do it they appear to be on a dedicated mission to use every single item in the kitchen, and leave it all lying around on the worktop for you to sort out later. The absolute bellend.
Letting the recycling pile creep up the wall
Rather than noting that the recycling box is full and needs to be taken outside, your partner just keeps adding things to the top, so that what would have been a manageable amount to pick up is now a wobbly Jenga tower of stinky old wine bottles and baked bean cans that will come crashing down all over the kitchen floor if you so much as look it it. Leave them now. They’ll never improve.
