WOMEN are to spend this weekend being conned into watching a sci-fi epic about sandworms, spice trading and extraordinary mental powers.

Dune, which stars Timotheé Chalamet, Zendaya and Jason Momoa as if it was some kind of movie women would enjoy, will instead bore them shitless with endless dialogue about space navigation, Bene Gesserit ‘witches’, and the warrior prophet Muad’Dib.

Nathan Muir said: “I’m very excited to watch Dune. My girlfriend is also very excited to watch Dune, and I’m carefully ensuring she finds out nothing about it until it’s too late so as not to ruin that.

“She likes the cast, she’s heard it’s got an arty French-Canadian director, and best of all she has no idea whatsoever it’s based on a 400-page 60s sci-fi novel with five increasingly impenetrable sequels. Although I suspect that will gradually dawn on her as the film wears on.

“Do I feel guilty? Yes. Will she blame me? Absolutely. But f**k it, I had to sit through The Queen’s Gambit.”

He added: “Maybe she’ll enjoy it? Who am I f**king kidding. She’s got about as much chance of enjoying this as she has a Rush album.”