International

DONALD Trump has proved his credentials as a genius by setting out his scientific theory on the subject of ‘pussy’.

PRESIDENT Trump is locked in a vicious battle with Steve Bannon, his former chief strategist and shambolic, rail-riding alter-ego.

TONY Blair has explained that he was mates with the halfwit president who invaded Iraq, not this butterscotch-whirl-haired knobhead.

EXPERTS have warned that the world is within a single provocation of being hit by a tweeted dick pic from President Trump. 

THE UK has agreed to share custody of Northern Ireland with the EU, and that it will look after the province Monday to Friday and split school holidays.

DONALD Trump has retweeted a far-right party’s Islamophobic propaganda in an attempt to get an invite to the Royal wedding.

AMERICAN media, dubbed ‘fake news’ by Donald Trump, have been urged to finally unearth the story that will leave him rotting in a prison cell.

ATTENDEES of the after-work drinks party thrown for  Robert Mugabe have agreed that the atmosphere was 'beyond awkward'.

A HIPSTER is sad about the resignation of Robert Mugabe, who he thinks is Nelson Mandela.

THERESA May, Robert Mugabe and Angela Merkel are on a conference call about how to remain in power without popular support.