Health

SCIENTISTS have confirmed that the only long term risk associated with mobile phones is gittishness.

RECESSION, austerity and reduced spending power have not stopped Britain from ramming calories into the front of its head, scientists have confirmed.

MUSIC videos are to be given IQ ratings to prevent frustration among the relatively intelligent.

THE war on blackheads will soon be won by Britain's men, with the help of Clinique's Nuclear Face Holocaust range.

PEOPLE who goad crocodiles for 30 minutes a day tend to weigh less than those who do not, according to new research.

DOCTORS are under renewed pressure to give aspirin to the Queen Mother.

TWO of Britain's biggest industries have teamed up to create 'dietopathy'.

THE tax and national insurance paid by smokers and the obese is completely invisible, it has been confirmed.

THE government's flagship NHS bill is to be rewritten for adults by JK Rowling.

A POST office worker from Kings Lynn has been prescribed ecstasy to stop him complaining about everything.