THE government has announced the order in which a Covid vaccine will be administered to Britain’s population. Find out where you are on the list:
Care workers, beginning with the most caring worker of all, the Queen
The over-80s, after a quick test to ensure they will not have a reaction against the vaccine which may seem to be centred on your voting record and intentions but is entirely medical
Health workers, beginning with the healthiest worker of all, Boris Johnson
The over-75s, following a short visual test for sufficient levels of xenophobia
Key workers including utilities workers, food distribution workers, police, HGV drivers, and social workers but not teachers, because they don’t deserve it
The over-65s, providing their comments on Daily Mail stories pass a bigotry audit
Members of Parliament with an impeccable pro-Government voting record
High-risk adults under 65 wearing poppies
Moderate-risk adults under 65 willing to sign a legally binding pledge of allegiance to Boris Johnson
Honorary key workers including company directors, hedge fund managers, recruitment agents, estate agents and the independently wealthy
The South-East, excluding London
The South-West, excluding Bristol
Red Wall seats across the Midlands and North
Wales, grudgingly
SPADs
Anyone who has ever been employed by the BBC in any capacity
Lefties
Remainers
Scotland, but not before December 31st 2029
