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Extinction Rebellion completely change their minds after being shouted at by van driver

EXTINCTION Rebellion has issued a formal apology and disbanded after having some sense shouted into them by an angry van driver. 

XR offshoot Insulate Britain realised what pricks they had been after the 20-minute tirade from Will McKay at junction 18 near Rickmansworth and have promised not to impede climate change in any way.

McKay said: “What did I say? I told them they were just causing more pollution with this queue of cars which I bet they’d not thought of, and they’d made everyone hate them and more likely to do climate change out of spite.

“I added that they were a bunch of f**king pricks. And I think that really hit home.”

Protestor Jules Cook said: “I’d never heard such refreshing common sense, coming as I do from the liberal elite and attending a woke echo chamber university.

“Extinction Rebellion is over. We all plan to get honest jobs doing worthwhile things such as plastering, like our new hero Mr McKay.”

Transport secretary Grant Shapps said: “Good. You should hate these people making you late for work. But not trains, which you should pay handsomely for making you late for work.”

Energy companies facing huge unexpected bills offered prepayment meters

ENERGY firms facing bankruptcy due to soaring bills have been patronisingly advised that a prepayment meter would control their spending.

Companies such as Bulb and Octopus Energy have been inundated with emails and leaflets encouraging them to switch to a prepayment meter, which they will be able to top up at any participating retailer with a little key.

Gas wholesaler CEO Denys Finch Hatton said: “It’s really easy. Use your debit cards, or cash if they won’t let you have a debit card, get the money credited to your energy business’s corporate account, pop the key back in the meter. Sorted.

“It’ll be set up somewhere inconvenient like right at the back of the cupboard under the stairs so it’s difficult to check how much is on it, and the key just won’t work sometimes and you’ll have to phone us up.

“We load all your debt onto the meter so you’re paying it off as you pay for the gas you’re using, and there’s a special higher rate for gas because we’ve gone to all this trouble of giving you this lovely meter.

“Keep it topped up with a few million a week – if you ask how, I say ‘by budgeting’ – and it won’t run out cutting off thousands of households at, say, 3pm on Christmas Day leaving you desperately scrambling to find an open Co-op.”

An Ofgem spokesman said: “Those energy f**kers have been rinsing us for years. They deserve it.”

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