Celebrity

THOUSANDS of inconsolable teenage girls have gathered at the home of deceased historian Eric Hobsbawm.

LEGENDARY sexual deviant Jimmy Savile presented a television programme called Jim'll Fix It, it has emerged.

THE 200ft tall mutant reptile Godzilla has passed away peacefully in his sleep.

THE QUEEN still does cryptic crosswords and has the active mind of a woman 20 years younger, it has been confirmed.

FOLLOWING the success of Kate's breasts and Pippa's arse, plans are underway to launch a third Middleton sister who will have a 'controversial vagina'.

ACCORDING to a fourth century papyrus Jesus had a wife that he absolutely despised.

PRINCE William wants to have two children with his wife while commandeering hundreds more to work as slaves in his palace.

RUSSELL Brand realised he was addicted to celebrity sex after a passionate one-night stand with Chris Evans, it has emerged.

PRINCE Harry’s naked buttocks are a blank screen onto which Britain will project its hopes and dreams, it has been confirmed.