subscribe
/ Sign Out

Royal baby to be named 'Chunky'

THE royal baby is to be named Chunky, regardless of its gender, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have confirmed.

The couple chose the name from a list of favourites including ‘Basher’, ‘Baldy’ and ‘The Baby’.

Prince William said: “It’s a good name because when you think about it all babies are chunky. They have little fat arms and legs.

“Also Chunky works whether it’s a boy or a girl or ‘in between’ which can happen, especially in the upper classes where the gene pool is not extensive.

“At first I wanted to call it King Rollo because that was such a good cartoon in the 80s but Kate was like, what if it’s a girl?

“Then it would end up being Queen King Rollo. I thought that was quite funny but no one else was into it.”

Royal fan Emma Bradford said: “If that’s the name the royal couple have chosen then I think it’s amazing, because that is the simple fashion in which my brain works.”

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Cancer (21 JUN-22 JUL)
George Bush? George IDIOT, more like. Am I right? Sorry, I don’t really follow the news.

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG)
It’s a constant source of disappointment to you that Cape Town isn’t full of superheroes.

Virgo (23 AUG-22 SEP)
Your Twitter profile says you’re ‘An expert in social media and communications’ yet you have under 100 followers, so forgive everyone for reckoning their chinny, won’t you?

Libra (23 SEP-23 OCT)
This week you’re given your own personal Jesus, like in the song, and he spends all day making whiny, passive-aggressive comments.

Scorpio (24 OCT-21 NOV)
If you have ever wondered if you’d be able to steer a car after a tyre blows, why not try sneezing while having a piss?

Sagittarius (22 NOV-21 DEC)
Watching Mad Max this week, you notice they have weapons and armour welded to their cars. So in post apocalyptic society they still have metalwork apprenticeships?

Capricorn (22 DEC-19 JAN)
Oh right, everybody loves Man vs Food but when you turn up at the TV exec’s house at 3am to pitch ‘Man vs Supermarket Gin’ you get arrested.

Aquarius (20 JAN-19 FEB)
In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will be all like, “Jesus, can everybody please put some pants on?”

Pisces (20 FEB-20 MAR)
After hours of grooming and styling, you leave the house confident that your nasal hair is looking great today.

Aries (21 MAR-19 APR)
They say you should never meet your heroes but since the Nuremberg trials it’s not really been an option anyway.

Taurus (20 APRIL – 20 MAY)
If you had to describe yourself you would say you were a valued friend, a sensuous lover, a trusted colleague and a consummate liar.

Gemini (21 MAY-20 JUN)
Do not tumble dry. EVER, do you hear me?

Next story ›