RIGHT now he’s flying, but Elon Musk is in a precarious position with Trump known to ditch anyone not completely subservient at whim. Stand by to savour his inevitable downfall:
Wait for Trump to turn on him
Trump shafts everybody, friend or foe. Musk’s demise is a foregone conclusion. But what insulting nickname will Donnie come up with? ‘Crazy Elon’, ‘Loser Elon’ and ‘Elon Musk Rat’ are all shit enough for Trump to consider them hilarious, but maybe you can do better? Set up a sweepstake with your friends.
Research Elizabeth Holmes
Elon seems untouchable now. But so did Elizabeth Holmes of Theranos, once worth $4.5 billion. The blood testing machine she invented was, due to bullshit, fraudulent and she’s still got seven years to serve in prison. Elon’s crazed claims about his businesses mean it’s not off the table. If the Federal Trade Commission begins proceedings, treat yourself to a delivery pizza with extra toppings.
Print out ‘The moon is a distraction’
And put this recent Elon tweet on your wall. Musk has burned through the $3 billion NASA gave him to build a reusable rocket, so far only reaching low orbit. At some point he’ll have to admit he’s not going to Mars, ever. Make a playlist of tunes including Space Oddity and Starman to enjoy as SpaceX’s latest project explodes in flames.
Wait for DOGE to be put down
Elon’s heading up of the Department of Government Efficiency, cutting spending for anything except businesses hoovering up billions in NASA and carbon subsidies. But Republicans vastly exaggerate how wasteful the government is and he won’t be able to cut anywhere near $2 trillion. Buy a DOGE T-shirt to wear ironically.
Put champagne on ice for a Tesla share crash
He’s only a billionaire due to Tesla, but twattery like the Cybertruck means it’s only a matter of time before the share price plummets. Bad luck for any employees Elon hasn’t sacked yet, but it’s his fault. You might want to say a few words in memory of the never-built Hyperloop train system too.
Enjoy a side of chastened Farage
After fellating Musk in front of Laura Kuenssberg, Nigel Farage has been humiliated. Half his supporters always preferred Tommy Robinson anyway and Farage always did strike you as the school bully’s weedy, arselicking mate. Point and laugh.
The final falling out
When Trump boots Elon out, will he be the total suck-up and pretend they’re still buddies? Or will he take to X and tweet ‘At least I don’t poop myself like President DUMP!!!’ It will be excellent and you should hold a big party for friends, with nibbles, the TV tuned to CNN and vast quantities of booze. Get everyone a MAGA hat.
Have Elon-in-prison sex
When Elon’s sent down, why not bask in his lack of sexual options by having slammer sex yourself? If your partner is halfway normal, they too will hate creepy, wannabe-Swift-impregnator Musk. Give it to them Folsom-style. Enjoy it.
