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Arts & Entertainment

Newsnight to focus more on what's happening in Essex

THE BBC hopes to boost the ratings of Newsnight by switching its editorial focus towards tanning and genital decoration in Essex.

Hari defends himself during pretend Parkinson interview

CHOIR-preacher Johann Hari has dismissed claims of plagiarism during a fantasy interview where he pretended he was talking to Michael Parkinson.

Transformers film somehow makes giant robots uninteresting

THE latest Transformers sequel has somehow made enormous flying robots seem like the dullest thing that has ever happened, it emerged last night.

People not at Glastonbury begin enjoying plight of those who are

MILLIONS of people not at the Glastonbury Festival have started relishing the abject suffering of those who are.

Palin v Bachmann to become Japanese monster film

THE studio which produced Godzilla and Mothra has purchased the character rights to Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann, it has emerged.

SuBo musical to include séance, dressed-up cats and a bloody good cry

PRODUCERS of the Susan Boyle musical have promised it will be the perfect night out for a certain kind of person.

Film censor 'excluding monstrous perverts from mainstream society'

THE British Board of Film Classification was last night accused of driving unspeakable deviants to the fringes of UK society.

Drone attack kills end-of-level baddie

THE tricky boss at the end of level five of War on Terror has been killed by Americans, it emerged last night.

Website praised for Take That ticket fraud

THOUSANDS of relieved men have expressed their gratitude after buying fraudulent Take That tickets.

Nobel laureates discuss the last time they puked

A PANEL of Nobel laureates including VS Naipaul and Mohammed ElBaradei have discussed their most recent vomiting experiences before an enraptured audience at the Hay Festival.