Arts & Entertainment

MANCHESTER t-shirt vendors The Stone Roses are to reform for a new series of concerts they won't turn up to. 

THE riots which devastated 90 percent of England were just the latest high jinks mind-control stunt by cocky illusionist Derren Brown, it has emerged.

RAPPER Ice Cube's family comedy film Are We There Yet? is to be screened in schools in a bid to make 'gangsta' role models unappealing.

ULTRA-LOCAL television services will give you up-to-the-minute coverage on things like what's happening in next door's garden, it has emerged.

FILMS without merit can now be downloaded without fear of prosecution, it has been confirmed.

THE world's largest gathering of picture-story fans is teeming with adults, it has emerged.

JETHRO, the commander in chief of the comedians, will decide later today who may live out of Stewart Lee and Michael McIntyre.

THEATREGOERS are being subjected to an increased number of bootleg plays and pirated performances, it has emerged.

THE BBC was handed a dictionary last night after using the world 'talent' to describe Richard Hammond.

THE Harry Potter saga has come to life with the boy wizard taking the form of the Guardian, experts have confirmed.