Arts & Entertainment

UK CITIZENS who have not seen Disney animation Frozen are to be forced to watch it or face imprisonment.

SWISS artist H.R. Giger, who died this week, created the only alien in cinema history that is not a bit shit.

THE seventh X-Men film is as bewildering and nonsensical as its source material, it has been confirmed.

A FOUR-YEAR-OLD American boy who claims to have visited heaven has confirmed that everyone there was heavily armed.

MORE than 400,000 hits of acid, guaranteed to send people spiralling into the abyss, are being prepared for Metallica's performance at Glastonbury.

THE new chairman of the BBC is a violent criminal known as the ‘Skull Cracker’.

NEARLY all DJs are called Lee, it has emerged.

UNDERGROUND train drivers have complained about the repetitive nature of daytime television programming.

ITV'S NEW breakfast show has been criticised for its uninspiring set, lacklustre interviews and pro-Russian bias.

BEING famous for losing weight is an acceptable substitute for a modelling, acting or singing career, say minor celebrities.