LIAM Payne’s track Do No Wrong is being released uncomfortably soon after his death. But it’s not the first questionable musical tribute to a deceased individual.
I’ll Be Missing You – Puff Daddy and Faith Evans
Poor old Biggie, he wasn’t exactly the most challenging target. This became one of the biggest-selling singles of all time, thanks in part to Sting, who probably got a few yachts and villas out of it. It’s just a shame Biggie’s fondest tribute came from a massive f**king pervert. It would really take the sparkle off, if you weren’t dead.
Do No Wrong – Sam Pounds and Liam Payne
‘Too soon’ is a subjective judgement, but when the toxicology reports haven’t been completed yet, it probably is. And there’s no denying it smacks of an attempt to maximise sales. Unfortunately ‘plunging to your death while off your head’ isn’t a repeatable marketing strategy, so the record company will be f**ked when it comes to the follow-up single.
The Late Great Johnny Ace – Simon & Garfunkel
A decent enough tune written by Paul Simon and performed with chronicler of tragic rabbits Art Garfunkel, but with the drawback of honouring not only blues singer Johnny Ace but also John F Kennedy and John Lennon. How did Mr Ace feel about sharing his death song with other, more famous, people? It’s like choosing a coffin and being really pleased with the finish and upholstery, then the undertaker casually saying, ‘Yeah, we’re going to stick Liz Truss and Liam Gallagher in there with you.’
Candle in the Wind – Elton John
Technically a candle in the wind would go out instantly, but we can’t really blame Elton for not calling it Candle in a Moderate Draught. However we can blame him for choosing the most bleeding obvious ‘tragic icon’ imaginable and then repurposing the song for Princess Diana. Try not to recall revised lyrics like ‘Goodbye England’s rose, may you ever grow in our hearts’ if you don’t want to be violently sick.
American Pie – Don McLean
A tribute to Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens and The Big Bopper which famously features the lyric ‘the day the music died’ but even more famously ‘drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry’, instantly resulting in a conversation about what a levee is. You did not die in vain, Buddy, Ritchie and Mr Bopper, for you have vastly increased Britons’ awareness of embankments built to reduce the incidence of flooding.
I Just Shot John Lennon – The Cranberries
Released in 1996 so no problem with the timing, but there are other issues. While we hate to speak ill of the dead, Dolores O’Riordan came up with some simple but bloody awful lyrics, describing Lennon’s return from the studio thus: ‘He had perceptively known that it wouldn’t be nice/ Because in 1980, he paid the price’. What? He predicted his own death? And what did he ‘pay the price’ for? Imagine isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but we’re not sure he deserved to be shot.
The Miracle (of Joey Ramone) – U2
You probably know Angel of Harlem is a tribute to Billie Holiday, but you may not know U2 have also honoured Michael Hutchence, Ian Curtis and Joey Ramone, plus of course Martin Luther King Jr and Nelson Mandela, in a veritable sausage factory of heartfelt tributes. Now that Mr Hewson has turned his attention to punk icons, all we can say is: please, please, please outlive Bono, Debbie Harry. You’re definitely on his longlist.
